Monkey Mayhem
I have just created the single best tune ever in the history of mankind. It is the Rathergood.com remix of The Monkeys - I'm A Believer featuring Joel Veitch.
Listen to it now- it will change your life, and is the best thing in the history of mankind ever.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/30/2000 06:25:32 PM
Jesus H Christ
Thank God! We're saved! Jesus Christ will be among us again as per the prophesies.
The Second Coming Project want money- send it! I'm sending them thousands and thousands and thousands of pounds.
If you are cloning religious leaders of the past, or have a piece of jesus to clone, I would like to hear your story.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/30/2000 03:14:54 PM
Sea Slug Lunacy
Like most people, I am fanatical about Sea Slugs. Thank God, then for the Sea Slug Forum.
In their own words:
"This is a site where you can ask questions and post information on nudibranchs and related sea slugs"
I love posting information on nudibranchs. It gets me very excited.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/27/2000 04:45:24 PM
Meat
justmeat.com has a particularly tasteful selection of pictures of dead people and deformed foetuses, including a couple of pics of a man who commited suicide by cuting himself in half with a bandsaw.
Great. If you like that sort of thing.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/27/2000 12:17:26 PM
More Popey Mayhem
The Pope merchandising scam seems to be producing some interest. Mr Blews of geekhaus suggested a vibrating, tune-playing chupa-chup in the shape of His Holiness which blesses you when you suck him- "Pope on a Stick" - also the action figure of "Christ on a Bike" and "Mighty Morphing Disciples"
I personally think that my proposed childrens card game "Popemon" is a real winner.
Oh, and maybe an action figure of God-Zilla.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/19/2000 05:01:46 PM
Hard Core Physicist
I have always had the utmost respect and admiration for emininent physicist Stephen Hawking. I was, however, previously unaware of his exploits as MC Hawking, the bad-ass gangsta rapper.
His tracks are pretty fly. I like "Fuck the creationists" - When I read A Brief History of Time I never thought I'd hear him say "I'm going to put my dick in the mashed potatoes"
Great stuff.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/19/2000 02:07:38 PM
Monkey Mayhem
I was reading dutchbint's clog when I noticed a story about a man in Thailand training monkeys to pick coconuts. I have some more info on this..... a couple of years ago I was in Thailand and had a very brief fling with a girl from a town called Surat Thani. It turns out that Surat Thani is infact home to the world's only monkey academy! Graduates of the academy can be seen scurrying up trees and throwing down coconuts with great gusto. I drank the milk from one (the coconut, not the monkey) and can confirm that there was no diminution in coconut quality whatsoever due to the monkey harvesting it. It wasn't noticably better than one farmed by a human though, I have to admit.
I never made it to the academy myself, although I have a wonderful mental image of the monkeys sitting their final exams.
I would assume it to be only a matter of time before monkeys trained at the academy are diversifying into other agricultural areas, and can see problems with the European Union's agriculture policy arising as a result.
If you are using trained monkeys to perform complex agricultural or industrial tasks, or run a monkey academy training monkeys to do such things as calculate tax returns, I would like to hear your story.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/19/2000 12:00:56 AM
Popey Mayhem
The Pope, as figurehead of the Catholic faith and God's representative on Earth, is a marketing man's dream. How best to capitalise on his high Popey profile?
In collusion with Mr Manuel of tsluts I have explored a few possibilities, including Pope on a Rope, Pope Soap, Glow-in-the-dark Popes, tobacco ("put that in your Pope and smoke it") Pope cleaners etc. The best so far has to be the fragrant charm of Pope Pourri.
If you have any good Pope-related product suggestions, or want to buy some Pope Pourri ("It's Goodly and Godly") please send them in
posted by Joel Veitch
9/17/2000 03:41:06 PM
Puppy Mayhem
Scrotum the puppy is very cool.
And a bit like me.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/16/2000 11:51:32 PM
Slug Slaughter!
OH MY GOD! I have just discovered that the Giant African Millipede, which I thought to be as invincible as Godzilla, is being mercilessly hunted down by evil carnivorous slugs which appear to be as formidable as any Leopard.
The Guardian report, "The Slimy Slayer" desribes these rogue nutter-slugs....
"In the forests of South Africa there lurk slugs far more menacing. No longer satisfied with a succulent leaf or an occasional taste of carrion, these beasts have transformed into ferocious killers."
We are no longer safe! I am covering my entire body with glued-on slug pellets from now on incase they come for me in my sleep! Could anything possibly be worse than being eaten alive by a vicious slug?
If you have been eaten alive by a ferocious carnivorous slug, or have had a lucky escape, I would like to hear your story.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/15/2000 05:22:36 PM
Millipede Mayhem
I have been losing sleep over the question of how to best care for an African Giant Black Millipede .
Thank God, then for the African Giant Black Millipede Caresheet. I quote:
"These millipedes have the ability to curl themselves up into a ball if disturbed, and can secrete a rarely used liquid that could be dangerous if put into the eyes or mouth."
Sounds a bit like me actually.
To be honest, if I was going to get one, I'd probably ask for one that wasn't disturbed to avoid the poisonous secretions. A sane one would be fine (if slightly less entertaining).
I do wonder, however, how many people would consider rubbing an African Giant Black Millipede's secretions in their eyes anyway? Maybe it is the people who do this who are disturbed, rather then the millipede.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/15/2000 05:09:20 PM
Crab Terror Feedback
The awful crab cursor is terrifying the populace as planned:
Mr Matt Percy of London writes:
"I was going to write that I wasn't scared of the crab at all until I moved the mouse to get to the link and saw it properly - it was actually intensely scary - a 8.2 I reckon"
So there you go
posted by Joel Veitch
9/15/2000 04:58:28 PM
Gibbon Lunacy
I saw, some time ago, a woman who looked after an orphaned blind gibbon. It did backflips, even though it couldn't see anything.
I once crewed a yacht with a chap who had lived in a rented house. When he went to look at it, the name tag on the doorbell said "The Gibbons."
He rang the doorbell with great excitement, obviously expecting (as you would) to be answered by a horde of somersaulting primates. Imagine his disappointment when it transpired that the house was actually inhabited by a family named "Gibbon."
It has since come to my attention that Stanley Gibbons is the proprietor of The Home of Stamp Collecting.
I would still rather see the real gibbons personally.
Actually I suppose it's possible that he is infact a gibbon called Stanley which collects stamps. If this is the case, I would be very interested to meet him. Especially if he does backflips and has comically long arms.
Errr....
And stamps of course.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/15/2000 01:27:36 AM
Crab-Tastic!
In my ongoing effort to make the rathergood experience as soul-destroying as possible, I have (in collusion with Mr Manuel of tsluts) implemented this terrifying crab cursor.
Are you scared of it? Please send scaredness ratings on a scale of 1 (not very scared) to 10 (projectile diarrhoea and heart palpitations) to me.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/14/2000 04:24:44 PM
Back From Oblivion
OK- rathergood is now back to its former self. Hoorah! The world can again sleep in peace.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/14/2000 04:02:55 PM
Gribble
People often ask me: "What is the animal with the best name?"
That would be the Gribble (or Wood Boring Gribble).
You can see some informative facts about this marvellous creature (including, usefully, its distribution in Scandinavian waters) at Aquascope.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/1/2000 09:07:03 PM
It's Cool, It's Hot
Looking at the egroups registration page, I noticed that their banner said "It's cool, it's hot, it's fun"
Isn't it strange how it can be both cool and hot at the same time (maybe different areas are different temperatures) and that both of these temperature extremes are seen as positive attributes.
Is it only me who thinks this is dead sinister?
Surely, if there are these two temperature extremes, there must be some kind of gradient between areas where it would be at best tepid.
Why is this not advertised? I would consider a median, room-temperature to be far preferable to being either "cool" or "hot", both of which would leave you at best uncomfortable and at worst in a state of hyper- or hypo- thermia.
These people should be shot.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/1/2000 01:16:13 PM
Nom De Guerre
Much like superman, I spend my life fighting for Truth, Justice, and the Armenian Way.
To facilitate my constant battle against the forces of evil, I have identified a requirement for a nom de guerre.
Current contenders are:
Duncan De Sordillee
Richie Famous
Major General Sir Peregrine Fledgeling-Gosling
Joel de Wonderful
Hugh Jorgan
If you have any further ideas for a suitable nom de guerre, or indeed if you have a good one yourself, please send them to me.
posted by Joel Veitch
9/1/2000 12:38:08 PM
