Home | All Rathergood Stuff | Shop | Music | Blog | About / Hire Us

The mystery of the worm in the toilet

This morning at the office there was a worm in the toilet.

The worm was alive and wriggling. It was a large, fat, wriggling, live worm, and it was undeniably, really, genuinely, in the loo.

It was a Monday morning - clearly it couldn't have been swimming there all weekend. A nice friendly earthworm could never have found its way to our loo on the 4th floor. It certainly couldn't have swum there. All in all, it seems clear it must have been some kind of nasty worm. An evil worm. A pestilential worm.

However, it was Monday morning, first thing, and when it was discovered nobody had been to the loo in THAT way - the way that might have enabled a pestilential, unspeakable worm to get into the loo. To put it nicely, a couple of people had done number 1s, but nobody had yet been in for a number 2.

A mystery! Clearly no worm could have come from a wee. Could it? Surely you wouldn't wee out a nob worm, and leave it in the bowl. Such an event would scar you for life, emotionally, and leave you screaming in a corner. No, it couldn't be that.

So, a mystery. Not a nice, happy, friendly earthworm. Surely not a nobworm for such a thing cannot be possible. And not an unspeakable worm of the bowels, as no-one had done a poo that morning. A mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes himself.

My personal theory is that someone in the office has an unusual life cycle involving a planktonic stage of development. This worm is almost certainly the larval stage in their life cycle. I expect the worm, which has now been flushed away to the ocean, will spend the next few years floating amongst the oceanic currents of the world, feeding and growing, until it metamorphoses into an adult human, and swims, like a salmon, back up the sewers to the loo in which it was spawned. There it will emerge as a majestic viral marketing expert.

A majestic viral marketing expert in need of a wash and a change of clothes.