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Walruses, sea lions and Radiohead

I spent a couple of days at an aquarium in New York a couple of years ago for a shoot. I spent a good while with the walruses. I liked them. Also sea lions and penguins too, but walruses are hard to beat. Anyways i read up about walruses and thought they deserved a song. This is where the song Love Your Blubber comes from.

The lyrics are basically all true. The walrus really is the loudest sounding creature in all the Arctic - the dinosaur roar from Jurassic Park had a lot of walrus roar in it. Also, they really are pretty rubbish at climbing trees. In fact they are totally shit at it. They are massive, and can be quite aggressive. Truly fearsome beasts!

We also used some seals. Singing seals. In real life there has only been one seal who made it as a singer - he did a song called Crazy and married a human. We haven't let that stop us though. Actually we are using sea lions - hardly anyone knows the difference. The difference is ears and ankles, if you're interested. Seals are long and floppy but sea lions still have ankles and ears- they aren't so far down the evolutionary path to wateriness. This means they can run along on the land, while seals can only flop like fishy-smelling sluggy idiots.

Anyway, it felt good doing that song. It's educational, and it's always good to be educational. Giving something back to the kids and all that. Also I like to think we may have brought walruses a few new fans. We'd do anything to advance walruses and walrus issues. I'm seriously thinking of starting a magazine for enthusiasts - Walruses and Walrusing.

I'm happy that we are probably the world's most eminent writers of songs involving walruses. The greatest walrus-themed song of all time is, of course, Pink Floyd's epochal "Another Brick In The Walrus" but that's just one song. On balance we are still the best. I do hear though that Radiohead are producing an experimental walrus-themed album. DAMN THEM. I bet it's shit.

All of Radiohead's reviews - and I mean ALL of them (that I'm aware of) say that they are just like a shit version of us and they don't know their walruses properly. They are just walrus wannabes. I bet they don't even know that the walrus is a large flippered marine mammal with a discontinuous circumpolar distribution in the Arctic Ocean and sub-Arctic seas of the Northern Hemisphere. They are aquatic mammaltards, with no respect for pinnipeds of the odobenus genus.

They think they're so great with their million-selling albums and stuff, but have they ever gloried in the fishy stink of a walrus's breath blown all over their face? I think not.
Have they ever run their work-shy hands through a walrus' damp whiskers? I THINK NOT.
Have they ever been impaled on a huge fishy tusk and then dragged to the Arctic seabed? FOR FUN? I THINK NOT SIR!