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Rock Nativity Number One!

A terrifying blizzard howled through the Danish night, furiously tearing at the fabric of the remote cabin, and threatening to rip it from its very foundations. As if the very spirits of the ancient Vikings had broken free from the great feasting halls of Valhalla, and descended in a whirl of fury upon this fragile domicile dwarfed in the vastness and savagery of this Norse wilderness.

Inside, a flaxen-haired maiden was in the throes of labour, her screams of defiance mixing with the roars of the ancient wind. Finally, with one great bellow to the furious skies, she delivered a baby boy.

The boy's father, a huge-bearded behemoth of Viking stock, cradled the newborn in his arms.

"What shall we call this boy, our first-born son?" asked the maiden as she gasped in amazement at the beauty of this primal experience.

"La la la la laa la laaaaa la laaaa la la la laaa lala la la" sang the Norseman.

"We can't call him that. It is far too long. There are too many syllables, and it will not fit on the forms when he applies for important stuff like personal loans or store cards. That's a stupid name."

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm" pondered the great Dane.

"We'll shorten it to Lars. The plural of La. Lars. And with such a happy name he will spend his life singing happy happy songs!"

"Uuurrrrghuurrplsprprpssslplpls" croaked the big man.

For that man was Torbin Ulrich, and the little boy, his son, was to fulfil the destiny his mother had forseen for him as Lars Ulrich, the drummer in easy listening group METALLICA! The greatest heroes of copyright enforcement in all the world!