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Atop an Inca pyramid in the Peruvian Amazon the Crab of Eternal Wisdom ponders the nature of existence with his horde of fanatical followers

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Friday, August 11, 2000

The Greater British Empire

As you will probably be aware, I am currently on holiday in Washington DC and am hence surrounded by Americans.

As a result of this, I have decided to lend the support of my horde of fanatical followers to Dr Fenderson's Greater British Empire.

This seems like an admirable idea to me, and I am quite sure that this empire will prove to be a useful ally in my coming push to subjugate humanity to my will.

I will of course eat it alive when the time is right.

You can see the pledges I have made in order to secure the allegiance of the Empire.

I think you'll agree this is a masterpiece of machiavellian statesmanship.
posted by Joel Veitch 8/11/2000 9:57:04 PM

Monday, August 7, 2000

Cheese Mayhem

In the course of a recent conversation it became evident to me that I could become very wealthy by developing a lifejacket made of special buoyant cheese. The lifejacket could be oversized, allowing the wearer to eat a large amount of it without sinking.

It would be marketed with the slogan "Cheeses Saves"

This product would undoubtedly be best used in conjunction with my Magnetic Cheese for maximum dairy produce survival benefit.

If you would like to invest large amounts of hard cash in this wonderful opportunity, please email used non-sequential fives and tens to iwanttogivejoelloadsofhardcashtoinvestinhismiraculousscheme@rathergood.com

Excited by this development, I decided to have a look into existing high-tech cheese equipment, and was very pleased to find this remarkable automatic cheese identification device.

Wonderful! I want one.
posted by Joel Veitch 8/7/2000 4:55:54 PM