Kill Your Friends
Hoorah! Kill Your Friends is live! You can upload pictures of your friends (or anyone else for that matter) and blow the shit out of them with a big fuck-off gun.
Woo!
Made by me and Rob of B3ta
Go play it. It's the best thing in the history of everything ever.
err... probably.
posted by Joel Veitch
7/27/2001 04:33:23 PM
Drugs, Zeppelins & Killer Fish
Read the first issue of the B3ta newsletter. Put together by an unholy alliance of rathergood, tsluts and... err... various other people. Subscribe, you know you want to. Contribute if you like.
Woo.
posted by Joel Veitch
7/24/2001 03:18:11 PM
Free Will
Sonny Mullet of The Drug Squad contacted the Guru:
Dear Guru,
If God is omnipotent and omniscient, then he obviously knows the future. But if he can't be wrong, then the future has to be all fore-ordained. If this is the case how can man truly have free will?
Warmest regards,
Sonny Mullet,
Banjo Operative
Dear Mr Mullet
For a full run down on the Philosophical theories regarding Free Will, I suggest you watch the seminal Philosophical masterpiece "Free Willy"
I hope this helps
Regards
The Guru
posted by Joel Veitch
7/23/2001 10:58:33 AM
Stone Head Crab
Tom Burt sent this rather grumpy stone headed crab over to the Lair. He seems to be settling in quite nicely.
posted by Joel Veitch
7/21/2001 02:01:36 PM
Dead Crab Art
Nick Ash has submitted this wonderful piece, made from dead squashed crabs using the revolutionary Crab Palette art package.
He says of his work:
This deep and stunning piece depicts the timeless, enduring quality of a young gentleman and his cranially impeded companion, urinating with abandon upon a startled crustacean.
Quite so. I am sure you will agree it is truly fantastic.
Click on the pic for a larger version.
posted by Joel Veitch
7/19/2001 12:17:18 PM
Aaaaaaaaargh!
Mr Manuel of b3ta has sent me the most disturbing crab yet! Fear the Maggie Crab! Fear her pincers! Fear her shiny durable bouffant carapace!
Thanks to Craig of flipflopflyin for the Hitler Crab, Easter Island Crab and minipops used in the animations (see side menu).
posted by Joel Veitch
7/18/2001 01:24:15 PM
Cuttlefish Conundrum
Mr Stephen Keefe contacted the Guru:
Dear Guru
Having observed budgerigars pecking away at cuttlefish bones thrust through the bars of their cages, I was immediately transported to a restaurant scenario whereby diners could select their own budgerigar from a nearby cage. A kindly waiter would then wrap the small bird in a crispy - clean banana leaf, insert its struggling body between a cleft stick and thrust it deep deep down into a tank of writhing cuttlefish (where they would make short work of it). It also occurred to me that this would provide an ideal diversion for those awkward dinner dates with girls, you know, where they keep wanting to talk to you.
Best Regards
Stephen Keefe
Dear Mr Keefe
Thankyou for your communication. This very closely mirrors the natural behaviour of the Bolivian Tree Cuttlefish, which will mesmerise budgerigars, hummingbirds or birds of paradise with its rapidly swirling skin pigmentation before striking and gnawing at the bird with its fearsomely barbed beak.
Out of interest, the Giant Land Squid of the Serengetti uses similar tactics to capture and gnaw Ostriches.
May I suggest other alternative tactics for awkward dinner dates? If your female companion keeps trying to talk to you, it may be advisable to don a gas mask (easily obtainable from Army Surplus outlets) and run rapidly in circles, waving your arms as quickly as possible. Another possible way to avoid conversation may be order oysters, strip to the waist, glue the oysters to your nipples and sing easy listening classics.
Both of these strategies work well for me.
I hope this helps
Regards
The Guru
posted by Joel Veitch
7/17/2001 03:58:37 PM
Be Happy!
I've made the most sickeningly cutesy thing in the world. This fantastic animation- Tales of the Blode Episode 1 should get you smiling.
Remember to turn the audio on. I think I'll make a series of these. Woo!
posted by Joel Veitch
7/12/2001 01:42:03 PM
Luminescence Lunacy
Welsh Idiot asked the Guru:
How do I stop glowing in the dark?
Dear Mr Idiot
Parsnips. You are eating too many parsnips. Parsnips are anti-carrots, made of positrons and having completely opposite qualities. Whereas consuming a carrot will enable you to see clearly in complete darkness, consuming a parsnip (anti-carrot), will enable others to see you in the dark.
Another interesting repurcussion of this is that if a carrot and parsnip touch, they will explode with enough devastating violence to cause you a slight bruise.
This is also why parsnips travel backwards in time, rather than forwards.
I hope this helps.
Regards
The Guru
posted by Joel Veitch
7/9/2001 03:01:52 PM
EEEK!
The Chupacrabras is here! The infamous Crab Sucker! Flee! Flee in terror!
posted by Joel Veitch
7/3/2001 12:55:19 PM
Newsletter
I've decided to set up a newsletter, in conjunction with some of the other web idiots I collaborate with.
Send a blank email to
b3ta-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
to subscribe if you like. It's going to have the bigger projects that I do, and other soul destroying tardiness we make or come across in it. Go on, join in. You know you want to.
Viva b3ta.
posted by Joel Veitch
7/3/2001 11:41:05 AM
Rock On
Today, for a change, rathergood has midi nirvana for your listening pleasure.
See how Kurt Cobain Crab loves to dance to his fave tune!
If you want proper music, you can listen to the mighty Rammstein with Feuer Frei Rock on!
It might take a while to start due to the unnecessary fight flash thing. Oh well, Rammstein should be listened to with people hitting each other.
posted by Joel Veitch
7/2/2001 02:08:40 PM
