For anyone who has been waiting for us to translate the WSD into Portuguese, the wonderful Tiago Ianuck has beaten us to it! Unbelievable! Have a look:

Also handy if you want to learn Portuguese - although your vocabulary may be somewhat specialised.

Vai um bolinho?

I tried out a happy bouncy kazoo-and-ukulele version of Hallelujah on the family this morning. Zak and Bliss absolutely loved it. Jacqui's reaction was "Oh God I thought it would never end"

 It's clearly a winner. Hooray!

The other day I was round for lunch at Joel's house, and he'd kindly made a chicken noodle soup. After a hard morning's exfoliating with a cheese grater, a wholesome meaty broth was exactly what I needed. Little did I know that lurking below the surface of this innocent-looking broth was a deathly surprise, in the shape of PAK CHOI.

Oh yeah. Lethal Pak Choi. Whole leaves of the stuff, up to 12 inches long, at a temperature hotter than the sun. I don't know its specific heat capacity, but believe me, those fellows pack some serious joules per kilogram, per kelvin. When they hit the roof of your mouth, they burn, baby, BURN.

And it's not like I can splurge the monstrous leafy menace back into the bowl - I'm a polite chap. The only option is to take the heat, all 1000 degrees of it, in my mouth. It was horrific. It was agony. It decimated every bit of my mouth: I think even my teeth were blistering.

Once I'd got the infernal soup finished (with a cheery, if slightly floppy-lipped, "that was lovely, thanks!") the agony continued, for days. Every baguette I ate and every cup of tea I drank reminded me of the time that salad reduced me to tears. Never, never again.

Interestingly, I did some research on my new brassical nemesis, and the Chinese characters for Pak Choi are 白菜, which translate literally as "Cabbage of Exquisite Pain".

It's been snowing. Everything has ground to a halt because of the sodding snow. GOD-DAMN SNOWFLAKES! Lying motionless on the pavement, the tiny frigid hexagonal BASTARDS. They'll be MELTING into my DRAINS next, the cheeky uniquely-shaped fractal CUNTS! How would they like it if I started pissing all over their clouds?

Actually, I love pissing on clouds. vapoury airborne WANKERS! YEAH! Why don't they all just FUCK OFF BACK TO CLOUD LAND? If I had my way those clouds and all the fucking atmospheric gases would be jettisoned to the fucking moon. What a bunch of cunts those atmospheric gases are, blanketing Earth like some kind of invisible BASTARD. Yeah. And as for the LIQUIDS - what UTTER BASTARDS, taking up TWO THIRDS of our surface area like total morons.

We took the littles over to Granny's house in the car the other day. Bliss was enraged about this and kicked up some considerable fuss. Zak was wonderful- he leaned over to her all the way, cooing "Bliss, stop crying, it's OK". What a lovely little boy.

This morning a car alarm was going off for ages. Zak was sure it was a police car. He said "Police Car says nee naw and nee naw and nee naw" then, after it had been going for some time, he called out to it "Police Car, stop crying, it's OK". He called out to it over and over again, trying to calm it down. What a lovely little boy he really is. The alarm did eventually stop, so it obviously worked.