Helloooooo! And welcome to the 172nd EVER newsletter from rathergood!
Part 2 of the beautiful, touching love story that is I Love You So Hard is now up! Hoorays!
I bet you're wiping a tear away from your eye now you've seen that eh? It's up there with Romeo and Juliet, for sure.
What you should really do is buy one of these beautiful I Love You So Hard tshirts, the perfect gift for your sweetheart.
If you need a present for Valentine's Day (and you do need a present for Valentine's Day believe me) then THIS IS THE ONE TO GET!
In other news, I received the greatest gift a man can receive- an absolutely top quality Iberico ham. I wrote some words about this glorious happening here:
I think that's about it for today, except to tell you how hard I love you! I love you SO HARD! I'd do ANYTHING for you!
I'll make my special “ham” for you! I'll feed myself on only acorns for half a year, then I'll encase my legs in salt until they have dried right out. Then, I will remove the skin from around the calves (I'll leave the shin skin on) and hang myself by the feet in a cave in Iberia.
I'll constantly monitor the temperature and humidity, and every now and again I'll stab a spike right in to the flesh, then give it a sniff to see how the meat right down inside is curing.
After 36 months of this careful preparation, I'll reach up and cut myself down – my legs having air cured in to the finest “ham” known to man!
I'll drag myself back to your house all the way from Iberia, and scratch at your door until you open it up. You will see me there, carving very very thin slices off of my perfectly cured legs, which I will serve up to you with bread, olive oil and tomato.
The sweet flesh and fat will melt in your mouth in an explosion of delicious flavour, it will take your breath away!
THEN YOU WILL LOVE ME BACK!
Mwah mwah superhugs!
Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)
Kitten Wrangler Extraordinaire
Inventor of Hairy Tongue
Christmas Tree Decorator of some renown
Able to slow kittens to 1/40th the speed of a normal kitten
Fan of all ungulates
Able to do a passable impersonation of a trumpeting elephant
Fixer of aircraft using glue, tape and bog roll
Repairer of small shock absorbers
Owner of a skin-tight lycra suit
Knower of some stuff about pulse jets
Able to identify many cartilaginous fish
Painter of RC cars
Able to fly a radio control plane briefly before crashing and destroying it
Knows what a lift pump is in a diesel engine
Understands clutch shoes
Getting less bad at soldering
Has a vague understanding of the advantages and disadvantages of a small propeller spinning quickly vs a big propeller spinning slowly
Knows that volts times amps equals watts
Father of Ultimate Nail Baby
Hasn't even mentioned that he cut the tip of his finger off because he's so brave
Builder of Sausage Drone
Not responsible for anyone injuring themselves while attempting dangerous erotic freefall
Popular amongst Dominicans with sexually confusing genetic disorders
Drummer on stranded buoys
Killer of tree stump
Barbequer of delicious sardines
Rat control expert
Wears a clean pair of underpants every single day, no exceptions
Maestro Human Jamonero