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Extreme Sports Involving Cows

Zak loves watching extreme sports on the TV. He particularly likes racing cars and racing motorbikes. I was watching the racing cars with him on the Extreme Sports Channel when on came a sport of which I was previously unaware.

In America, it seems, there is a sport which involves sitting on an angry cow.

I'm a bit confused why anyone would want to sit on an angry cow, but sit on them they do. In fact, they do it for a living. Yes, that's right, there are people who make a living out of sitting on the cows. The cows clearly really dislike it. It really annoys them. That's why they are so angry.

There are loads of people sitting watching and cheering

"Yeeehaaaa! You're really good at sitting on an angry cow! Well done! Woohoo!"

I find the whole thing a bit confusing. In Spain, they stab the cows. Cow stabbing seems even less fair than sitting on them to be honest. I guess it must be because Spaniards weigh less on average than Americans - they probably feel they don't have the weight to sit on the cows, so they're better off stabbing them. I guess I can see their point, those cows look pretty angry.

I wonder if we in England are losing out badly by not having a sport based on being mean to cows. They seem to enjoy it in America and Spain. I wonder if we should invent one. I think sitting on them and stabbing them are both a bit much for me, to be honest, so we should probably think of something a bit more accessible. Maybe we could just be a bit unpleasant to them. Make them feel a bit uneasy.

I notice that both American Cow Sitter-Onners and Spanish Cow Stabbers get dressed up in fancy costumes. I guess we should do that too. I reckon maybe a pirate hat, and a red tracksuit top with colourful paper streamers glued on it, and spangly golden speedos would do the job. And sandals.

Then I'd stand in an arena with a cow, and thousands of people would watch and cheer while I made the cow feel a bit uneasy about things. Maybe by saying "BOO!" or doing a chicken walk or some forward rolls.

It does worry me that I'd feel a bit sorry for the cow mind. I like cows, they are nice. Maybe we should just have a sport where we're nice to the cows instead. That would be much more fun, surely? We could give them nice hats too, and paint flowers on them, and generally let them know that they are very pretty cows. And the crowd would cheer and everyone would go home happy.

Yes, I think that's the sport we should invent. Extreme Cow Makeover And Complimenting.

Now THAT is what I call an extreme sport.