The Crab of Ineffable Wisdom. A force for Good, he will answer your questions and improve your life

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Spongmonkey! Spongmonkeys Like the moon! Hooray for the moon! Red army kitten. Fear him.



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  •    

    Your One Stop Shop for Good and Evil (crabs)

    Furtively Asked Questions

    Who are you?
    I'm Joel Veitch. Hello.

    Where do you live?
    London.

    Did you make that thing I saw on TV?
    Probably. I do broadcast animations as well as web stuff.

    What are the tunes you use in your animations?
    There's a list of them at the bottom of this FAQ.

    Can I have mp3s of your tunes?
    You can download them from here.

    What do you do?
    I make stupid stuff, and I jump around shouting "WOO!" mainly. There's a bio with details of my professional work here

    What do you look like?
    Here is a photo for you. See how mighty and fearsome I am.

    Can I have your babies?
    That depends. Applications will be assessed on an individual basis.

    What do you make your games and cartoons and pics and stuff with?
    Flash for cartoons and the odd game, Director for games, Photoshop for images, Premiere and After Effects for video. I use some other things too, but they're the main ones. They're all good and you should learn them, especially photoshop and flash.

    What's with the crabs?
    I would have thought that was obvious.

    I sent you stuff and you didn't reply, you utter bastard.
    Sorry- my inbox gets very overloaded and I often miss replies. No offence, it's nothing personal.

    What does minge / flange / scruttocks mean?
    Minge and flange are both slang for the female genitals, and scruttocks refers to the bit between the scrotum and the buttocks.

    Can I hire you to make stuff for me?
    I'm always interested in creative work, but I'm very busy at the moment. Drop me a line and let me know what you have in mind.

    Full tracklist for animations:

    The Giant Bee Song is by me and my brother Alex.

    The Moon Song is by me and my brother Alex.

    Hippo Girl is by me and my brother Alex.

    The Crab in London is Prokofiev - Romeo and Juliet

    For the Blode 1 the music is taken from 3 different mixes of a track called "I can't stop raving" - look for dj liquid, dj spykez, Dune. You should be able to find them on audiogalaxy i would have thought. And it's Rammstein for a bit, with Feuer Frei, while the hitler crab is around.

    In Blode 2 it's Aphrodite - Bomber mainly, with Jega- Intron.ix when the bad guys come in. The centipede song is by me. At the end, if you can be bothered to watch it for another couple of minutes, it goes into Jega - Pitbull which is a fantastic tune.

    For the Frightened Boy one The tunes were: Cossack Patrol by Ivan Rebroff, Tanz Bruderchen by Hyperactive and Version by DMX Krew.

    Blode 3 is I can't stop raving again, but also with son of nitrous by Bad Company, and the cleaning musk ox song by me.

    Blode 4 is I can't stop raving again, with alien radio by slam, thunderball by moving fusion and the tumpa by bad company

    Blode 5 is I can't stop raving again, with Cause for Concern - Soul

    Blode 6 is I can't stop raving again, with jega- Pitbull for the evil bits. The Uber Pea songs were by me and James Craven.

    Val's Halal Norse Gods is Slayer - Skeletons of Society

    The Architecture thingy is blu mar ten - BRO

    The Blowing stuff up videos use John B - Up All Night

    The Chilled Kitten Band is John B - We Like the Music (Latino Mix)

    The Sweary Kittens is Mclusky - Lightsabre Cocksucking Blues

    The Angry Kittens is The Vines - Outtathaway

    The Punk Kittens is The White Stripes - Fell in Love With A Girl

    The Northern Kittens is Elbow - Independent Woman

    The Gay Bar Kittens is Electric Six - Gay Bar

    Jamie and the Magic Todger is Bad Manners - This Is Ska

    Pavarotti's elephant song is la donna e mobile

    Spoonguard is mookee - own little world

    Mark Llama, Gerbil Farmer is Mr Scruff - Happy Band and at the end it's REM - shiny happy people

    Mr Johnson is Cowboy Bebop MFF - Cat Blues (Mr Scruff Remix)

    Big Pant Trekking is simon bassline smith - realization [on urban takeover]

    Mr Stabby - the song is by Weebl

    Great tunes, one and all.

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