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I am becoming increasingly concerned by the alarming attempt by small Furry balls with wobbling eyes and stuck on feet, and small labels which say " I've been to Benidorm " etc. to rule the world.
I have now spotted the demonic creatures in numerous countries which I have visited, Whereas two or three years ago they were in fact quite localised.
I fear they may be reaching worldwide pandemic proportions, and quite possibly be behind the latest swine flu outbreak.

They also posess the unusual ability to make themselves appear innocently alluring to both children and adults alike, this is their cunning method of traversing the globe in what would appear on the surface to be an innocent souvenir purchasing " inner need " of almost every human on the planet.

DO NOT let them fool you, but if they do catch you out you can easily either drown them by flushing them or burn them on a fire or barbecue
Under no circumstances fall for their cuddly charms and release them into the wild ( This is exactly what they want you to do )
If you do spot any of these vile creatures please let me know in order that I can monitor their rate of increase , and build a world map showing both high intensity areas and furry ball free zones.
KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU

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Pigs might fly!

I am sickened by the number of people who buy these cute fluffy creatures then abandon them into the wild when they become bored of them.

No thought is given to the welfare of these noble creatures or the ecosystems they are being released into!


There should be more funding towards rescues and information warning people of the damage these misunderstood creatures can cause if not correctly looked after.

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Everyone must fear Mzungu now!!

True fact #4672

These furry balls are actually called "Tribbles" and are extra terrestrial creatures from the planet Iota Geminorum IV, and they do nothing but eat and reproduce.

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Oh herro

These Tribbles, whilst quite similar to the rather smaller furry balls I refer to, appear to have no wobbling eyes, stuck on feet or labels.
Maybe the ones I refer to are either a more sophisticated, evolutionary adaptation of the tribbles featured on Star Trek many years ago, or simply the juvenile form, which with maturity, lose the eyes, feet and labels, a bit like reversed amphibian developement. ( or possibly their fur just gets so long that the eyes etc. become obscured ).

Did Shatner perhaps purposefully introduce these vermin to earth as a gesture of ill feeling when he got sacked from being Captain Kirk, to make way for the next generation , or did he become besotted by the aforementioned cute cuddliness, and smuggle a couple back as pets, only to realise that without his previously outrageous salary, he could no longer afford to buy the vast quantities of tribble food required to satisfy their voracious appetites.

I shall try spending several painful hours in the " Shatnotron " in an attempt to glean more information.

ps. How do they reproduce? Do they go for the standard copulation method, or do they perhaps use something more advanced such as " Telekinesex" thus allowing long range reproduction.

Any information would be greatly appreciated.

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Pigs might fly!

Must be like gremlins only it's feeding them in general rather than getting them wet.

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Everyone must fear Mzungu now!!

A fine theory indeed, we can only hope that these evil nutritonally inseminated, hirsute spheres, NEVER interbreed with the water fertilized Gremlins, as Gremlins will stoop low enough to actually steal food without any regard to the consequences.
However furry balls are easily drowned. HOOORRAAAAYY ( Mushroom Soup? )
I have recently been informed of a bald variant strain of these satanic beasts ( Known as SMILIES )
Things are worse than I thought

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Pigs might fly!

oh god no! here i am worried over nut crops and maize... SMILES are an abomination, thus we are all doomed! Zebbor, save us!

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meh.

Having taken a closer look at the lifestyle and breeding pattern of these SMILIES, I have reached the conclusion, that all these mutated tribbles eat at this moment in time are kilobytes, however they do reproduce by a method of hypnotism, where if you look at a series of them for long enough you will be drawn to a particular one, depending on your mood.
Then , in your desperation NOT to click the mouse button your hands and fingers begin to tremble, quite often leading to multiple inadvertant mouse clicks.
Frighteningly fast reproductive tactics indeed.
My advice would be to view any computer screen using a device similar to blinkers fitted to naughty horses, thus not being distracted by the animated attempts of these disgusting digital beasts, if we all do that then I am sure we can contain the outbreak.
If you do get caught out I have discovered a foolproof method of dispatching them, easily and without remorse, regardless of the often huge numbers in which they can appear ( This in itself can present you with quite an intimidating prospect )
Simply highlight all available SMILIES and right click your mouse button then click "cut" or "delete", hey presto smilies gone.
We WILL defeat them if we all pull together.
Incidentally the walnut crop is estimated to be the best in many years, so no worries there, unless these too are a mutation of the tribbles with an exoskeleton an nothing inside but a huge brain-like organ
I did initially post numerous smilies on this post having neglected to wear my blinkers, but as you can see I did manage to remove them all

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Pigs might fly!