I understand that you think you're being kind to the world and the animals on it's surface by not eating them. But did you know, that your tofu chomping ways, are wiping out a species more endangered than the bluefin tuna, less interested in mating than the giant panda, and more stupid than a dodo.
It's a conspiracy that's been kept from us for quite some time, and when out for a walk in the woods yesterday, I came across a solitary wild tofu. I took a picture, just so I could show it to you.
The monsters at PETA are not bothered if we eat this bland, neutral tasting, uninteresting looking critter, they're more interested in saving the cute and tasty animals like bottlenose dolphin, red squirrel and snow leopard.
After doing some research I discovered that the legs and antennae of the lesser spotted wild tofu are pulled off, whilst the tofu is on it's back, alive, and dried out to be sold as vanilla pods. The tofu is then dispatched with a quick cut behind the eyes, which kills it instantly.
Naturally after seeing this wild tofu, I picked him up, and gave him a bath in soy sauce, star anise, ginger, galangal, bird eye chillis and lemongrass. I'm sure nature won't miss one single tofu