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Guruage: Stooge Gum Arse Rage; Blind Women..
Do
I Know You?
Why
Are You Writing To Me?
Why
Work? Bears and Horses, Smells
Musical
Hounds, Love.
Exam
Tips
Train
Times, Personal Hygiene
Germans,
Christians, Old People, Bucks Fizz and more!
Bod,
Chaz and Dave, Birds and more!
The
Sky and The Moon Explained, Baby Fish
Just
Because You're Paranoid... Women Who Want It, Persecution of the Virtuous
Crabapples
The Metaphysics of Playing Cards
Salmon
Conundrum, Erection Evolution
Important
Issues
Yet
More Important Issues
Roommate
Removal, Poupon Poser
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As
you are probably aware, I know everything there is to know about everything
there is.
Out of the goodness of my heart, I have decided to offer
my services as a guru and general fount of knowledge.
I know that for you, the unfortunate masses, life can
pose many confusing and disconcerting conundra, leaving you feeling as
though you are little more than a victim of cruel fate, or blind and amoral
causal determinism. In the face of this quandary, rather than plummeting
over the metaphysical abyss into a Dostoevskian maelstrom of churning
anguish, I offer you a chance to share some small portion of my greater
and all-encompassing enlightenment.
Please send any questions whatsoever which may be troubling
you to me and I will answer them at my earliest convenience. Where do
my socks go? Will it ever be possible to breed an enormous amoeba and
use it as a bouncy castle for kids? If so how? How can I catch the little
monkey that follows me around but always leaps just out of my field of
vision every time I spin around to catch it out- I know it's there, I
just can't prove it. Do Quantum Mechanics and Heisenberg's Uncertainty
Principle rule out, through allowing the spontaneous creation of virtual
particles with energy but no mass, the possibility of creating a computational
device accurate enough to work on the level of molecular components? What
are the ingredients for the perfect quiche?
All these things and more are known to me. I await your
questions with extreme indifference.
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Pigeons,
Robin Reliants, School Uniforms
Shrinking
Sperm
Crossing
the Road
Booze
Happiness
How
Long Is A Piece Of String, Question Question
Who
To Marry?
More
Important Issues
Surely
Not More Important issues
Particle
Physics Explained
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