FEAR
THE CRAB!
The Guru
The Guru
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Booze Lucy rundle wrote: Dear Guru, I find myself once again calling on your services for the help and advice I so desperately need. I am in a very unfortunate condition today, namely, very hungover. Actually, still a little bit drunk! I have this feeling that I enjoyed being really really drunk enormously and now would like to perpetuate this state on a more permanent basis. However, being at work this is rather tricky, so I have that strange feeling of not being there, wanting a drink and a macdonalds, and not doing any work although I have a lot to do. Please advise me of the best remedy in the situation given no alcohol available. Also, what shall I do this evening? I mean, do I get blind drunk again or do I go to the gym and sweat it out? x Ms Rundle I am all to well aware of the gravity of your situation. Sobriety is an unfortunate affliction which can overwhelm even the most hardened of imbibers under arduous circumstances such as your own. You are absolutely right to assume that being inordinately intoxicated is enormously enjoyable, and absolutley without a doubt preferable under all circumstances, bar none, to sobriety. Your mistake, and the root of your current unpleasant circumstance, has been to combine two factors which should never occur at the same time. Namely, a lack of alcohol, and presence in a work environment. It is well acknowledged at the highest levels that alcoholic intoxication is a great aid to productivity, especially when operating heavy machinery. For this reason, I heartily recommend that you openly swig from a large bottle of cheap vodka from the moment you enter the office in the morning to the moment you leave to go to the pub. You will find that work becomes a far more enjoyable activity, and that you progress up the career ladder with lightning speed. If that is not possible, as is the case today, then you should absolutley never, under any circumstances, be present in the office. The best idea is to telephone your manager and explain that you will be in the nearest pub to your office and that you are contactable there if required. Then settle down to a full day's drinking, until you go blind or lose consciousness (whichever comes first). It is of course possible to continue to drink after loss of vision with the aid of an assistant, or after the loss of consciousness with the use of specialist pumping machinery, but I consider these to be unecessary- it is far more constructive to get a few hours sleep under the table, so that as soon as they open for business the next morning you are present and refreshed, in order to resume your drinking with renewed vigour. Regarding the final part of your query- I would not have thought it necessary to explain that the gym is a deeply evil place, populated by satanists, that should be avoided at all costs. I hope that this clarifies your understanding. Regards The Guru For more on booze see Happiness |
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