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Crabapples

Mr ElectricHeaterInTheBath wrote:

Dear Oracle Please can you tell me where the fuck are the Crabs located in Crabapples?

Yours

Mr ElectricHeaterInTheBath.

Dear Mr ElectricHeaterInTheBath

Ah yes, the mighty crabapple.

This is, as I'm sure you can imagine, a subject that is particularly close to my heart.

The life-cycle of the crab is, without a doubt, truly one of the greatest wonders of nature. As I am sure you are aware, crabs like to dig themselves snug little tunnels in which to live. This has many advantages, but once in a while a great crustacean catastrophe occurs, and the tunnel collapses, sealing the little crab into his house as if it were no more than a crypt. Entombed in such a manner, most animals would slowly die. However, the crab has evolved a survival mechanism to avoid this eventuality, and will infact, when buried alive, germinate.

Germination of an entombed crab results in the growth of the crabapple tree, the fruit of which is the crabapple to which you refer. These are analagous to the eggs of the more mobile crab form. These crabapples, if planted in soil, will themselves germinate into more crabapple trees, leading to the impression that they are no more than ordinary plants. However, if you throw a crabapple into the sea (a pond / puddle may suffice) then it will germinate into an adult crab.

Try it yourself- bury a live crab in your garden, and within forty years you will notice it germinate into that most elegant of shrubs, the crabapple.

I trust that this clarifies the issue. Regards

The Guru

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