|
 Previous
Guruage: Stooge Gum Arse Rage; Blind Women..
Do
I Know You?
Why
Are You Writing To Me?
Why
Work? Bears and Horses, Smells
Musical
Hounds, Love.
Exam
Tips
Train
Times, Personal Hygiene
Germans,
Christians, Old People, Bucks Fizz and more!
Bod,
Chaz and Dave, Birds and more!
The
Sky and The Moon Explained, Baby Fish
Just
Because You're Paranoid... Women Who Want It, Persecution of the Virtuous
Crabapples
The Metaphysics of Playing Cards
Salmon
Conundrum, Erection Evolution
Important
Issues
Yet
More Important Issues
Roommate
Removal, Poupon Poser
|
Below are some
examples of previous services rendered by the guru to the needy and forlorn.
Please feel free to peruse these if you are in need of advice before you
consult the guru yourself.
Stooge Gum Arse Rage
Hywel Davis wrote: Sometimes I get annoyed with life and the only way
to control my rage is to push Wrigley's Extra inside the inflamed anus
of a sad Russian clown and/or stooge. Why does this happen?
Mr Davis
This is a common reaction to the stress of modern life, and has become
a very real problem for the Eastern European circus comedy industry. The
reason for your reaction can be explained using the metaphors employed
by your subconscious mind. The Wrigley's Extra represents your personal
psyche, and the foreign clown the taunting, laughing, unconcerned colossus
of society. He is Russian and hence does not understand your cries of
woe. By inserting the untainted white rectangle into his arse you are
metaphorically shoving yourself into the arse of the world. You are sick
and will probably commit suicide. I suggest you try disembowelling voles
as an alternative therapy.
Yours
Veitch (Overlord)
Why don't more blind women get murdered every year, they're fuckin' asking
for it?!
Mr Davis, in response to your query:
On going blind, all women have a natural response to the loss of this
useful sense, immediately experiencing a marked sharpening of their hearing
abilities. This can be so pronounced that it enables them to echo-locate
by emitting a series of high-pitched squeaks, much like a bat. These women
therefore may appear helpless, but can infact "see" by squeaking.
This, combined with the standard practice in this country of supplying
all registered blind women with Wonder Woman-style bullet-proof bracelets
on the NHS renders them practically invincible.
Glad to be of service,
Veitch (Ascended Master)
|
Pigeons,
Robin Reliants, School Uniforms
Shrinking
Sperm
Crossing
the Road
Booze
Happiness
How
Long Is A Piece Of String, Question Question
Who
To Marry?
More
Important Issues
Surely
Not More Important issues
Particle
Physics Explained
|
