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Bod, Chaz and Dave, Birds and more!

The Sky and The Moon Explained, Baby Fish

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The Metaphysics of Playing Cards

Salmon Conundrum, Erection Evolution

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Roommate Removal, Poupon Poser

Salmon Conundrum

Sblunt1977 wrote: Is salmon always bland? Does hank the cowhand really exist? Who really wrote the book of love?

Iid appreciate your input on these questions that plague me. thanks.

Dear SBlunt1977

Thankyou for your several queries. Firstly, to address the question of the blandness or otherwise of the salmon.

Salmon are beautiful fish indeed, and who has not marvelled at their prowess as they leap weirs and dams up to a mile high in their battle to reach their spawning grounds up-stream. However, this athletic ability does not guarantee that they will be intelligent raconteurs, and I have personally spent evenings with salmon who drivelled on about nothing and were, indeed, deserving of this derogatory title. Not all slamon should be tarred with the same brush however. Take for example the writer, and most talented of fish, Salmon Rushdie. Author of The Satanic Verses, globally acclaimed literary figure and target of the Ayatollah's Fatwah for alleged blasphemy, this particular salmon is in no way bland, but rather is a fascinating genius of a fish, and a credit to his kind. I believe he may have lost some of his swimming prowess though. And he doesn't seem to have gills any more either.

Hank the cowhand does exist, but underneath the thin coating of fake skin, his body is made up of a huge mass of writhing maggots which are held in place by foul-smelling excremental sludge. Fear him, he is the tool of Beelzebub.

The Book of Love was written by me.

Under a Nom de Plume, of course.

I hope that this information has alleviated your suffering

The Guru

Erection Evolution

Mr Robert Manuel of b3ta.com wrote: Why can't I urinate while I have an erection?

Rob.

Dear Mr Manuel

Mr Manuel

This is a result of evolutionary preference over thousands of generations. Basically, men who could urinate whilst maintaining an erection found that they would have less offspring than their rivals who did not have this ability.

Quite simply, this was because they tended to drown the foetuses gestating in the wombs of their partners when they pissed a river of urine right up her vag.

I hope this answers your question

Regards

The Guru

Pigeons, Robin Reliants, School Uniforms

Shrinking

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Crossing the Road

Booze

Happiness

How Long Is A Piece Of String, Question Question

Who To Marry?

More Important Issues

Surely Not More Important issues

Particle Physics Explained