Previous Guruage: Stooge Gum Arse Rage; Blind Women..

Do I Know You?

Why Are You Writing To Me?

Why Work? Bears and Horses, Smells

Musical Hounds, Love.

Exam Tips

Train Times, Personal Hygiene

Germans, Christians, Old People, Bucks Fizz and more!

Bod, Chaz and Dave, Birds and more!

The Sky and The Moon Explained, Baby Fish

Just Because You're Paranoid... Women Who Want It, Persecution of the Virtuous

Crabapples

The Metaphysics of Playing Cards

Salmon Conundrum, Erection Evolution

Important Issues

Yet More Important Issues

Roommate Removal, Poupon Poser

Katherine Grantham wrote: So how do you earn a living in the real world? and who passed on my address?

Dear Katherine:

In the real world I do not go under this name. Infact I am a lowly plumber called Duane Pype, earning only enough to sustain me in my greater quest for spiritual well-being. Material possessions mean little to me. I was meditating on the summit of an Inca pyramid in the Peruvian Amazon last week, and as the sun rose over the canopy, casting golden rays over the mist and waking the birds and monkeys into a crescendo of music, a pygmy witch-doctor whispered your e-mail address into my ear. I also enjoy driving and have a clean licence.

Yours

Veitch (I hope that you do not think less of me now I have lifted my veil of mystique).

Katherine Grantham wrote: Why do you keep writing to me?

Dear Katherine

In answer to your question, I feel that it would be unfair to restrict my services to my friends and acquaintances. By denying people a greater quality of life simply because I did not know them, I would be guilty of condemning an enormous number of people to the spiritual void based entirely on my own arbitrary movements. With this in mind, I have selected you as a candidate for enlightenment. I am happy to field enquiries from yourself or any others who are currently worried about anything whatsoever. As I am sure you can appreciate, I currently have a backlog of queries on the nature of existence to clear, and as such there may be some delay in answering them, although I will attempt to do so as soon as possible. Unfortunately it is necessary to earn a living in between sessions of charitable guruage. If you would like to be kept in touch with the advancing tide of consciousness and knowledge sweeping tsunami-like through this terminal, I would be happy to forward you other answers as they are divined, as well as solving your own problems.

Yours in excelsis

Veitch

Pigeons, Robin Reliants, School Uniforms

Shrinking

Sperm

Crossing the Road

Booze

Happiness

How Long Is A Piece Of String, Question Question

Who To Marry?

More Important Issues

Surely Not More Important issues

Particle Physics Explained