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Tim Price wrote:
Bwana, Why is it not possible to teach my venerable hunting hounds to form
a string quartet? (one of my younger hounds can bark the theme tune to Starwars
and play the banjo).
Yours in expectation
Price
Dear Mr Price
You will find that the root of your current predicament lies in the breed
of your dogs, and in their stately age. As I am sure you will appreciate,
hunting hounds are far from famed for their appreciation of the soft and
dulcet tones afforded by the average string quartet. They prefer powerful,
warlike music that conjures up to them images of the chase, of rending
and tearing flesh, and of the joy of maiming and killing. These are the
Dogs of War, and as such your attempt to force them to play the limp-wristed
music of the foppish aristocracy is a direct insult. As noble warriors,
you will find that your most efficacious modus operandi in order to ascertain
the highest possible musical standard of excellence from your pack would
be to equip them with instruments such as large drums, bugles and the
like. They will happily play Wagner, or Russian Military Marches until
the proverbial cows come home.The propensity of your younger hound to
bark the theme from star wars is probably due to a misconception that
he will grow to be a wookie. His ability to play the banjo is definite
evidence that he is a cunt. I hope that this resolves your problems adequately
Regards
Veitch
Amanda Weir wrote: What is love anyway? Does anybody love anybody anyway?
Love
Amanda
Dear Ms Weir
In answer to your query:
Love is in the air, everywhere you look around.
Love is in the air, every sight and every sound.
I hope that this clears up any confusion you may have been suffering.
Yours ad infinitum
Veitch
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