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 New
Foods Breakthrough, Survival Food
Levitation
Clothing
Breakthrough, Hat Magic
Trainer
Liberator, Pet Innovation
Aircrew
Safety Revolution
Meaty
Memory Enhancement Breakthrough
Pharmacy
Now, Beef, Abilities, grub
Road
Rage No More, Dead / Wash Breakthrough, Security Issues Addressed
Pet
Revolution, Odours Beaten, Fight Food, Turtles
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Pharmacy
Now!
I am going into the pharmaceuticals industry. I have formulated,
in association with my associate Mr Cunning, a wonder-cure for chesty
coughs which tastes delicious and is most efficacious. I have devised
the marketing slogan-
Cunning's Linctus, goes down easily.
Beef
I have been experimenting with genetic engineering techniques,
and have achieved a great triumph. I have managed to engineer a kind of
cow, the arse of which extends into a very large sac attached by membranes
to its back. What is the use of this, you ask? Well, as you know, the
cow produces an enormous amount of methane gas. This is trapped in the
new cow's back arse sac, lifting the cow into the air. When tethered,
it is now possible to keep up to a thousand more cows per hectare than
previously as they can be stored at different altitudes. When it is time
to slaughter them for beef, it is no longer necessary to use an expensive
abattoir, as they can be simply killed by flicking matches at them. They
will then burst into a ball of flame, and fall to earth ready cooked.
By careful positioning of blades around the pasture, the
cows can even be sliced automatically into their component joints on impact
with the ground.
Viva technology! Science will be our saviour!
Abilities
By holding my nose and blowing hard, I can inflate my
eyes to the size of space-hoppers, and can actually bounce on them.
Grub
I have recently invested in some ships biscuits. This
turned out to be a far better investment than I ever thought, as within
one of the biscuits I found a small burrowing insect larva. Thinking it
to be a normal verminous slag, I moved to kill it, at which it leapt onto
a miniature motorbike whilst donning a spangly costume. It then wheelied
across the living room before jumping over 20 lined-up slugs and through
a ring of fire.
It was, I later discovered, the Weevil Evil Kneevil.
Bravo!!
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