New Foods Breakthrough, Survival Food

Levitation

Clothing Breakthrough, Hat Magic

Trainer Liberator, Pet Innovation

Aircrew Safety Revolution

Meaty Memory Enhancement Breakthrough

Pharmacy Now, Beef, Abilities, grub

Road Rage No More, Dead / Wash Breakthrough, Security Issues Addressed

Pet Revolution, Odours Beaten, Fight Food, Turtles

Pet Innovation

In my genetic enigineering facility deep under the bedrock of the Pacific Ocean floor, I have developed a revolutionary breakthrough creature for the pet markets of the modern world.

Soluble Fish are a new dawn in the age of fish keepage. Soluble Fish never need feeding. You can leave them completely unatended for weeks on end and they will not even notice. Soluble Fish are always happy. Soluble Fish will always be overjoyed to see you (although they may find it difficult to express their jubilation), and they require no training. You do not even have to change their water until it starts to smell bad.

Simply send me your credit card details and address, and I will despatch a Soluble Fish the same day by post for $10. For the keen fish fan, why not consider special decorative Tropical Soluble Fish, for only $25 per unit. Soon I will be able to offer Soluble Sharks at $50, and am working on a Soluble Whale (which may cost quite a lot).

Disclaimer- Soluble Fish may dissolve in transit.

Odours Beaten

I have recently been applying myself to the problem of lingering odours in the home.

It occurs to me that it is wasteful to buy a separate air-freshener for each room, when a single one which was capable of moving between rooms would achieve the same end-result. With this in mind, I have used the resources available to me in my top-secret genetic engineering lavatory to create a particularly pungent strain of giant many-legged aromatic insect, capable of wandering freely around one's domicile, spreading a pleasant whiff of summer meadows from special glands on its knees.

It will be marketed as the Scentipede.

Fight Food

Recently, I have been applying the knowledge I have gained in the field of adventuring survival foods to military applications.

What could be of more utility to the foot soldier than an item of kit which would provide him with an effective weapon and also a supply of emergency rations? With this in mind, I have developed a sweet bready icing-coated firearm capable of automatic fire, with very high lethality. If the soldier becomes trapped behind enemy lines he can use this to fight off attackers until he runs out of ammunition, and then eat it.

I will market it as the Sub-Machine Bun.

Turtles

Using my new-found expertise in genetic engineering, I have made an aquatic turtle (fresh water) that is 20 feet long with several rows of razor-sharp teeth.

I have called it the Terror-pin, and intend to sell it to small children as a pet.