FEAR
THE CRAB!
Investigations
Investigations
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Education
It occurs to me that the future of the youth of this country is in jeopardy due to the lack of interest in education at a young age. This is because children of primary school age are not interested in the real, boring nature of the world. I am therefore going to get a job teaching young children science and will attempt to focus more on grabbing their interest and attention than on teaching them the straight, boring facts of the matter. Lesson 1- Gravity OK children, have you ever noticed that we all stick to the floor? Have you ever wandered why that is? Well, it's because everything is coated in a thin layer of glue. Aeroplanes fly because they have glue solvents on them, so they don't stick to the ground. When you are in the bath, remember NEVER to wash the soles of your feet, or you will float off into space and die. I think that this kind of approach to science would be more beneficial to a child of 5 or 6. Save The Ozones Ozones are dying at an alarming rate, causing whales to overheat, a report from the Environment Ministry said today. "A rise of only 2 degrees celsius in the mean whale temperature could cause sea levels to rise by nearly a kilometre" said a Ministry spokesman, although when asked why he looked confused and said it was "something to do with the moon." The cause of the ozones crisis appears to be the rapidly expanding world population. "Put simply there are too many poor people" said the spokesman. "Poor people all breathing at the same time causes giant greenhouses to form in the atmosphere, killing ozones. The only solution to the problem is to burn the poor people." Scientific research has shown that people breathing in developed areas of North America and Western Europe do not have this effect, so fortunately only poor people in the Third World need to be burned. |
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