Helloooooooooo! And welcome to the 136th EVER newsletter from rathergood!

We have entered December, which means it's time  to talk about CHRISTMAS! And everyone knows Christmas means just one thing- MANATEES! I've got a couple of Christmassy things for you today, and they BOTH include MANATEES! YEAH!

First off, USBCell asked me to do a Christmas thing for them, and we have duly made them something wonderful, involving bunnies and yes of course a manatee:

http://www.rathergood.com/usbcellchristmas

Now, clearly this leaves us with a need for some clarification over the role of Christmas Manatee, so I have made this explanatory song which includes some extremely important information you will want to remember:

http://www.rathergood.com/christmas_manatee

I'm sure you'll agree this is totally marvellous!

What are you putting at the top of your Christmas tree? Well, Iain Holder has got a Spongmonkey in pride of place on his, which makes him TOTALLY AWESOME:

http://yfrog.com/5cjr60j

I urge you all to emulate his awesomeness forthwith. If you want to get your hands on a fantastic rathergood toy for your tree, or as a christmas present (and what could possibly be a better present than the Joy of Spongmonkey?) you can get them at the shop, innit:

http://www.printshop.co.uk/rathergood

Hey, I cooked Pig's Tongue with Hare in Mustard Sauce the other day. I have decided to name this dish (which is of my own invention) Harey Tongue. Here is a picture of the tongue, ready to eat. DELICIOUS:

http://flic.kr/p/8W58rM

You need a totally incredible festive Christmas Manateeshirt! YES YOU DO! Look how fantastic they are!

http://bit.ly/manateeshirt

http://bit.ly/manateeshirt-skinny

http://bit.ly/manatee-hoody

Today I am writing the newsletter at home, with both the little cats sitting on me. They are very happy and helpful. Fluffychops (aka Chippychops) is purring and trying to hunt the cursor. CatBot 9000 (aka Robot Cat) is purring and batting my hand on the mouse. What lovely, helpful little kitties they are!

UPDATE Aargh! It is 5 minutes later and they are attacking me and the laptop! It is becoming impossible to type. Must.....send............newsletter.

I think that's about it for today, except to tell you that I love you. I love you so HARD! I'd do anything for you! I'd bore a big hole in to a dugong and climb in, eating out a cavity large enough for me to hide in, then I'd sew the dugong back up just leaving room for a breathing straw. I'd live there, inside the dugong's insides, breathing through the straw in the warm wet darkness, gnawing away enough dugong flesh to stop myself from starving to death, for as long as it takes (which could be many years) until Christmas Manatee arrives to enslave my dugong and force him to pull his sleigh. Eventually this will happen, as it happens in the fullness of time to all dugongs. This is their shared fate. The tragedy of their kind.

I'll stay hidden away in the flesh of the dugong while it toils and toils pulling Christmas Manatee's sleigh around and around the earth, collecting enough bread and pond weed and heads for his yearly festive round. Then, on Christmas Eve, Christmas Manatee will drive the me-containing dugong out on his globe-spanning delivery! I will bore another hole out through the surface of the dugong so that I can see where we are, and eventually we will reach your house, and while Christmas Manatee is busily delivering your bread and pond weed and head, I'll burst out of the dugong, glorious in my bloody, meaty, dugong-covered freedom and dive down the chimney of your house clutching the dugong's precious bile duct as a gift for you!

I'll collapse in to your fire place, and if there's a fire burning there I'll probably get away with survivable (though disfiguring) burns as I'll be soaking wet with dugong fluids. Then I'll leap on to your bed where you will have been sleeping peacefully but will now wake up to see me, blackened and smoking, covered in seared gore, screaming in my triumph, screaming and screaming and screaming and ramming the precious dugong bile duct and its precious cargo of dugong bile in to your beautiful mouth as I cry in joy and scream and cry and scream.

Oh GOD that will be the BEST NIGHT OF BOTH OUR LIVES and also the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER OH GOD.

I would totally do that for you. Just give me the nod and I'll head off to find the dugong. Just let me know ok? OK? LET ME KNOW OK?

OK? IS THAT OK?

Mwah mwah superhugs and intimate touches!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and SciencesWinner of 3 Webby AwardsMaster of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork ForceSaver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster TruckExperienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)
Kitten Wrangler Extraordinaire

Hellooooooo! And welcome to the 135th EVER newsletter from rathergood!

I have a very special treat for you today. Here is Tommy's Happy Rainbow Harmacy! It's the happiest, rainbowest place in the whole wide world!

http://rathergood.com/rainbow_harmacy

And look! Here's a beautiful Tommy t-shirt for you! You will look incredibly fabulous in it!

http://upthear.se/tommytshirt

There's a story behind the Rainbow harmacy. One night in April 2010 I happened to find myself on a bus full of the internet. Ed and I were having a lovely conversation with Jason
Steele and Chris Alex from filmcow (Charlie The Unicorn) who are superbly lovely people as well as being geniusesesses. Also on the  bus was a large percentage of the internet. Seriously. There was m00t from 4chan, baratunde from the onion, the autotune the news
guys, rob cockerham from cockeyed, charlie schmidt, the owner of keyboard cat... it goes on and on and on. We were all on our way to the ROFLCon party. I tell you, if terrorists had blown up that bus the internet would have seized completely up. Seriously.

Anyway, in the course of my conversation on the Internet Bus the Harmacy idea popped up. I had a quick crack at it before but I kind of rushed it off and didn't feel like I'd done it justice, so I've re-done it here, more in the way it should have been done in the first place.

Enjoy Tommy and his Harmacy. Thanks to Jason and Chris in whose esteemed company the Harmacy was born.

Hey look at this INCREDIBLE stained glass Giant Bee that Christopher Betton made!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/joelveitch/5166721047/

What a total genius! AMAZING!

I think that's about it for today, except to tell you how much I love you. I love you SO HARD! I'd do ANYTHING for you! I'd climb the mountains of the far North until I had found every last Golden Eagle and captured them, then I would bring them back here and take off their wings. I'd melt down their golden bodies and nail all their wings together to make 2 absolutely enormous Golden Eagle Uberwings. Then I'd use the gold from the molten golden eagle torsos to cast a massive golden eagle body. At the end of this process I would have one MASSIVE Golden Eagle about a mile and a half high and about the same in wingspan. I would drag it to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro using my bare hands and probably some kind of large wheelbarrow, and I would mount it there in all its glory on the summit of that great mountain as an eternal tribute to your glory and to my love for you. I would set up a stake on the tip of the great eagle's beak, and I would nail myself on to it using the golden talons from the very last of the Golden Eagles as nails, as the glorious morning sun silhouetted the gigantic eagle atop Mount Kilimanjaro, and then the Eagles of every other sort- (I'm not sure what other sorts of eagles there are apart from Golden but I expect it must include at least Lead Eagles, Tin Eagles, Pewter Eagles and Zinc Eagles) – anyway they will all come, summoned by my screams, and they will tear my flesh and devour it while they squawk their devotion to you and I scream your name with my last few agonised breaths.

Once this is done the eagles will hopefully come over to your house, knock on your door, and poo me out in your flower pots where I can usefully act as fertiliser. Then my consciousness will live forever in your flowers (or at least for the duration of the growing season) and I will eternally (or for at least a few months) be able to glimpse you through the window of your home without a restraining order being enforced.

I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH!

I'll get working on it just as soon as you want me to. Just let me know OK?

Mwah mwah ultragropes!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master
Some bloke who makes cat videos on the internet (copyright Aleks Krotoski)

Hellooooooo! And welcome to the 134th EVER newsletter from rathergood! I've got some glorious joy for you today! Oh yes I have! Look! Here's a fabulous song about the joys of owning an iPhone:

http://www.rathergood.com/iphone

Fear not! You don't need to own an iPhone yourself to appreciate the joy of owning one. This song is still for you!

Our Space Paper Aeroplanes project has been delayed by the weather for quite a while. We were hoping to have launched by now but the weather predictions have been solidly showing our precious payload being dumped in the sea for a couple of weeks now. I'm sure we'll launch next week some time! In the meantime, here's some vids of the test we did on the rig and launch mechanism.

Here's the launch team and the rig explained:

http://upthear.se/launchteam

Here is a vid of the actual launch test:

http://upthear.se/testlaunch

I'll let you know when we finally launch in to destiny! Not long now I'm sure!

In Veitch kitten news, we have 2 new kittens! HOORAYS! They are absolutely SPLENDID! There is a boy and a girl, and they are called Fluffychops (the girl) and CatBot 9000 (the boy). In fact you just saw CatBot 9000 leaping in the background of the iPhone vid.

Would you like to see more pics of them? I BET YOU WOULD! Here's some pics! It's a flickr set so I'll be adding to these quite regularly:

http://upthear.se/kittens

My special award for glorious excellence this week goes to Gareth Richardson, who sent me a couple of photos of the absolutely INCREDIBLE W.S. Demon costume he made! Have a look! It's FANTASTIC!

http://upthear.se/wsdcostume

Hey, I'm really pleased with myself about this home-made venison pie I constructed, mainly because it has “PIE” written on it in really big pastry letters:

http://upthear.se/pie

Ooh yeah, you know my Agamemnon video with me jumping around in my pants? Well, it was on Attack Of The Show the other day, which is totally cool:

http://upthear.se/agamemnonaots

It's 5 minutes in.

By the way if you want to own a copy of the I've Got An iPhone song, you can totally get it on iTunes innit:

http://bit.ly/ivegotaniphone

And you can totally get the app too, if by some amazing happenstance you currently haven't got it:

http://bit.ly/rathergoodapp

In other news, I found out the other day that my new neighbour is in the brilliant indie rock band The Duke Spirit. They're great. We've been pogoing around the living room to their music like nutters for days.

Right! I think that's about it for today! Except to tell you that I love you! I love you SO HARD! I'd do anything for you! Yes I would! I'd drill in to my mind with a little hand drill, and shove a USB cable completely in to my mind, then I'd plug that in to my computer and it would recognise my mind as a drive and I would download my mind on to my computer and then I'd copy it in to the internets and email myself to your computer and then when you opened it I would scream my torment at you from your inbox until the sheer horror of the situation and my incessant screaming drove you to drill in to your own mind and plug yourself in to your computer at which point I would upload myself in to your mind and we would both inhabit your mind together living there and talking and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming for ALL ETERNITY!

I'd do that for you! Because I love you THAT MUCH!

Mwah! Mwah! Extrasuperduperhugs!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert
The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)
Pie Master

Helloooooooooo! And welcome to the 133rd EVER newsletter from rathergood

I guess the first thing to tell you is that today (Friday) is your LAST CHANCE to get something on our space planes! Better hurry up and whack something on there now!

http://upthear.se/getitinquick

Did you notice that 10:10 Climate Change ad that got pulled for being offensive this week? Well I've fixed it. (You can find the original with a quick google I'm sure if you want):

http://www.rathergood.com/climate_change

This week the London Evening Standard described me as “the man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes” which makes it totally official and stuff:

http://upthear.se/standard

Here is a TOTALLY EXTREME video of a test of the pyrotechnic release mechanism for our paper space planes. RAW ADRENALINE!

http://upthear.se/mechanism

Honestly I don't know how I cope with the excitement of my life sometimes, I really don't.

Also, here is a test of our space camera in a vacuum, to check it will work in space and stuff:

http://upthear.se/vacuum

WOWZERS!

Hey, check out this slide show of a terrifying plummet down a water flume!

http://upthear.se/flume

I think that's about it for today, except to tell you that I love you. I love you SO HARD! I'd do anything for you! I'd develop a special kind of ant with a serum in its poisonous mandibles that had the most incredible effects! I'd take this ant and deliberately shove my parts in its jaws, whereupon it would bite me and inject its incredible serum in to my blood. As the serum coursed through my veins I would transform and transmogrify in to a gigantic massive eagle giant, boiling with flames and striking out with my gigantic gold-and-diamond talons at the mere mortals scattering in horror across the face of the Earth below me. I'd squawk my terrible squawk, a sound which would send all the buildings of Man tumbling to the ground! I'd raise up my enormous wings as, still expanding at an ever-increasing rate, I exploded off in to the cosmos! I would fly with the photons and neutrons and megatrons and trons right in to the jaws of the supermassive black hole at the centre of our galaxy, whereupon I would transcend to Godhood and reign across all infinities of time, space, and other things with utter ruthlessness and cruelty!

I would TOTALLY do that for you, just as soon as I can work out what exactly I need to do to the ant. I've tried feeding it cheese, and I've tried making a tiny top hat for it out of a stick, but neither of these things have produced the desired effect, and frankly I'm all out of ideas. If you can work out how to get the ant sorted out, let me know and I'll begin the process.

Mwah! Mwah! Ultrafrots and hypergropes!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com

Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences

Winner of 3 Webby Awards

Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes

Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds

Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)

Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts

Former Member of MGS school cricket team

Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)

Silver Swimming Badge

3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12

Once had a letter published in the New Scientist

Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course

Keen amateur ukulele player

Bronze lifesavers swimming badge

Full clean driver's license

Passed Cycling Proficiency Test

A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A

GCSEs 7xA 2xB

Good understanding of the principals of flight

Good understanding of the principles of spelling

Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School

50 meters swimming badge

Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee

25 meters swimming badge

Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist

Has caught piranhas on a hand line

Willing to learn semaphore if required

Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese

Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror

Wielder Of The Power Of Science

Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator

Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)

Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice

Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast

Commander In Chief of Pork Force

Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress

Owner of Monster Truck

Experienced lawn mower

Finder of camouflaged flip-flops

Amateur Marine Biologist

Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines

Paper Plane Expert

The man behind many of the Internet’s biggest online successes (London Evening Standard 6 October 2010)

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo! And welcome to the 132nd EVER newsletter from rathergood!

I've got LOADS of stuff for you today! YEAH! First off, I'm totally launching paper planes from the edge of space! Here's the intro video for the project:

http://upthear.se/paperplanes

You can put messages on the planes for people to find! Have a look at the website here:

http://projectspaceplanes.com/

You should totally put a message on them innit.

I went to see a guy called Andy Chipling, who is a world-class paper plane designer. He's designing the planes we're going to drop from space. Have a look:

http://upthear.se/andy

You may have noticed from these short links that I am using an amazing new url shortener. Hell yeah! I have made the best url shortener IN THE ENTIRE WHOLE ACTUAL WORLD! I'm very pleased with myself, truth be told. All the old url shorteners do their job just fine, but they are completely soulless. They have no joy in them whatsoever. Every time you use one of those boring old url shorteners the stock of joy in the universe drops a tiny bit- a speck of happiness gone from existence that can never be replaced. Well no longer! NO MORE! Because I have created the best url shortener EVER TO HAVE EXISTED IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANITY! If you need to shorten a url, don't use the old crapheap shorteners, shove it:

http://upthear.se

SHOVE IT UP THERE AS HARD AS YOU CAN!

Hey, you know the rathergood iPhone app? The greatest iPhone app ever made? That one? Well, for a limited time only it is completely free! Just for a few days, so you'd better get it right now:

http://upthear.se/app

David Miliband. Poor sod. I feel really sorry for him. Stitched up like a kipper by his little brother. It doesn't excuse this total meltdown though (this might not make any sense if you're not British):

http://www.rathergood.com/miliband

Do you use Spotify? If you do, then you need to get rid of everything else you listen to on there and replace it with this INCREDIBLE playlist of 83 of our songs:

http://upthear.se/spotifyplaylist

YEAH! 83 of them! Blimey!

I was fiddling about on facebook and noticed there's an “interest” page about me. Hooray! I'm not entirely sure how it works but I think if you tag me in a post it shows up on there:

http://upthear.se/joelfacebook

You remember how We Like The Moon is available on Rockband? This dude has made a video of himself playing it, and it is totally great!

http://upthear.se/rockband

You should totally get it too you know. Totally.

My little girl, Bliss, levitates. She floats around above the ground for hours at a time. Sometimes I take her out for a walk in the country, just guiding her along as she floats to make sure she doesn't drift off in the wind. Look, here's a photo:

http://upthear.se/levitation

I think that's about it for today, except to tell you that I love you. I love you so much! I'd do anything for you! I'd scoop out your insides and put you in a box of salt until you'd dried out, to preserve you! Then I'd take off your legs and hang them up to for 16 months or so until they'd matured in to wonderful human hams! I'd call them Humams! They will be DELICIOUS! Wonderful humams! YUMMY! The rest of you, I'd tie under a weather balloon with rockets on. When the balloon reaches 100,000 feet in altitude, the rockets will fire, and your dried, legless, insides-scooped-out body will be propelled in to low earth orbit, where it will stay circling the Earth for eternity! I'll sit in my garden with a telescope of an evening and watch for the glint of light in the sky that is you whizzing forever above our planet. I LOVE YOU THAT MUCH! LUCKY YOU!

Mwah mwah superhugs and megafrots!

Yours sincerely

Joel Veitch

Founder of rathergood.com
Member of the International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences
Winner of 3 Webby Awards
Master of Arts (Electronic Media) Oxford Brookes
Bachelor of Arts (English and History) University of Leeds
Marksman (.22, 5.56, 7.62, LMG)
Former Sixer of Grey Six, 19th Forest Hill Cub Scouts
Former Member of MGS school cricket team
Former Sergeant, Combined Cadet Force (RAF Section)
Silver Swimming Badge
3rd best Cross Country runner in my class at age 12
Once had a letter published in the New Scientist
Attended one-night Pork Butchery Course
Keen amateur ukulele player
Bronze lifesavers swimming badge
Full clean driver's license
Passed Cycling Proficiency Test
A levels – English Literature, French and History, all grade A
GCSEs 7xA 2xB
Good understanding of the principals of flight
Good understanding of the principles of spelling
Winner of the Head's Prize for Progress, first year, Aylesford School
50 meters swimming badge
Once did a wee in a loo containing Dannii Minogue's wee
25 meters swimming badge
Amateur experimental rocket / meat scientist
Has caught piranhas on a hand line
Willing to learn semaphore if required
Able to sing The Girl From Ipanema and Mas Que Nada in Portuguese
Survivor of Trans-Atlantic Airplane Fire Horror
Wielder Of The Power Of Science
Inventor of the Dictator Finger Thingdicator
Defeater of Transformers (regardless of voltage)
Founder member of the super-secret League Of Internet Justice
Has eaten chicken madras for breakfast
Commander In Chief of Pork Force
Saver Of Old Ladies In Distress
Owner of Monster Truck
Experienced lawn mower
Finder of camouflaged flip-flops
Amateur Marine Biologist
Vaguely knowledgeable about steam engines
Paper Plane Expert