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Meatini

I had a wonderful dream! A dream of a cocktail of meat! Specifically, a full English fried breakfast served in a cocktail glass made of bacon. Once in every lifetime true revelation strikes a man, and this was my moment of total clarity! This was my chance to make a mark on history! To ACHIEVE A KIND OF IMMORTALITY THROUGH BACON! Clearly, I had to follow my dream and make this thing of great glory. Ed came over and we set to work.

I started out using a bowl as a mould for the glass. I coated it in streaky bacon.

I started out using a bowl as a mould for the glass. I coated it in streaky bacon.

The bowl coated in streaky bacon. This was looking good.

 

The bowl coated in streaky bacon. This was looking good.

We tried a couple of different approaches. This is a mug lined internally with back bacon, the idea being to make a smaller bacon cup.

We tried a couple of different approaches. This is a mug lined internally with back bacon, the idea being to make a smaller bacon cup.

Here Ed is demonstrating the internal cup bacon lining approach. I can't help feeling there's something vaguely obscene about this photo.

 

Here Ed is demonstrating the internal cup bacon lining approach. I can't help feeling there's something vaguely obscene about this photo.

We did another bowl lined in back bacon to compare structural properties with streaky. Here Ed is trying it out as an unorthodox cap.

We did another bowl lined in back bacon to compare structural properties with streaky. Here Ed is trying it out as an unorthodox cap.

The stem for the cocktail glass was prepared by wrapping a core of streaky bacon in a coil around a skewer. This was then jacketed with an outer layer of back bacon.

The stem for the cocktail glass was prepared by wrapping a core of streaky bacon in a coil around a skewer. This was then jacketed with an outer layer of back bacon.

We also tried an external casing of streaky bacon around a mug - we anticipated problems with this design due to the gap where the handle is. We thought we'd try it anyway in the interests of science.

We also tried an external casing of streaky bacon around a mug - we anticipated problems with this design due to the gap where the handle is. We thought we'd try it anyway in the interests of science.

Here I am displaying the external streaky bacon mug coating.

Here I am displaying the external streaky bacon mug coating.

All the bacon bowls and cups ready to go into the oven.

All the bacon bowls and cups ready to go into the oven.

Any cocktail needs ice cubes. For the meatini they are made of haslet - a kind of pork meatloaf made largely from entrails.

Any cocktail needs ice cubes. For the meatini they are made of haslet - a kind of pork meatloaf made largely from entrails.

Into the oven with the bacony stuff! We'll give it about an hour.

Into the oven with the bacony stuff! We'll give it about an hour.

A cocktail needs a slice over the edge of the glass, and an umbrella. The meatini's umbrella will be a mushroom. The slice will be black pudding - a sausage made from pig's blood, fat and pearl barley.

A cocktail needs a slice over the edge of the glass, and an umbrella. The meatini's umbrella will be a mushroom. The slice will be black pudding - a sausage made from pig's blood, fat and pearl barley.

External bacon mug disaster! This has clearlynot even slightly worked. Hey-ho.

External bacon mug disaster! This has clearly not even slightly worked. Hey-ho.

This is more like it! The bowls have both worked lovely. The back bacon bowl is better, but the streaky bacon bowl is still pretty good.

This is more like it! The bowls have both worked lovely. The back bacon bowl is better, but the streaky bacon bowl is still pretty good.

The back bacon bowl is a thing of beauty!

The back bacon bowl is a thing of beauty!

The internal bacon mug has also worked! Hooray!

The internal bacon mug has also worked! Hooray!

 

The Meatini starts to take shape! Hoorah! A base of haslet, then the stem of bacon. A second wedge of haslet on top to provide a wider base for the cup. A wooden skewer runs down it to keep it all firmly in place.

The Meatini starts to take shape! Hoorah! A base of haslet, then the stem of bacon. A second wedge of haslet on top to provide a wider base for the cup. A wooden skewer runs down it to keep it all firmly in place.

First in are the haslet

First in are the haslet "ice cubes"

Next in goes scrambled egg.

Next in goes scrambled egg.

The black pudding slice goes over the edge of the glass.

The black pudding slice goes over the edge of the glass.

HOORAYS! Here is the Meatini in its full glory! Complete with mushroom umbrella, sausage swizzle stick and cherry tomato cherry! It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!

 

HOORAYS! Here is the Meatini in its full glory! Complete with mushroom umbrella, sausage swizzle stick and cherry tomato cherry! It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen!

Here I am, sipping my glorious Meatini! This is the greatest triumph of my entire life!

 

Here I am, sipping my glorious Meatini! This is the greatest triumph of my entire life!

I immediately reclined in the garden with Zak., to sip daintily on my delicious Meatini! How very very civilised!

I immediately reclined in the garden with Zak., to sip daintily on my delicious Meatini! How very very civilised!

Here I am, chilling out, Meatini in hand.

Here I am, chilling out, Meatini in hand.

The internal mug bacon cup was perfect for a lady-sized Minimeatini. Jacqui was very taken with it.

The internal mug bacon cup was perfect for a lady-sized Minimeatini. Jacqui was very taken with it.

Jacqui was not allowed to eat her own Meatini however- little Bliss may be small but she knows what she wants! And she LOVES THAT MEATINI! You go girl!

 

Jacqui was not allowed to eat her own Meatini however- little Bliss may be small but she knows what she wants! And she LOVES THAT MEATINI! You go girl!

This is an absolutely normal afternoon at the Veitch household. Nothing unusual here at all. Just chilling with some Meatinis.

 

This is an absolutely normal afternoon at the Veitch household. Nothing unusual here at all. Just chilling with some Meatinis.

I LOVE THAT MEATINI! OH YEAH! IT IS SO GOOD!

 

I LOVE THAT MEATINI! OH YEAH! IT IS SO GOOD!

VERDICT: SUCCESS! THE MEATINI IS LITERALLY THE BEST THING EVER INVENTED IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING EVER!