Dinosaur Hunt!

Shark Mayhem!

Squirrel Shoot

Roadkill Fun!

Advanced Roadkill!

Roadkill Memories

More Roadkill Memories

It's All Fun Till Someone Loses An Eye, It's All Fun Till Someone Falls Off A Cliff

Child's Play, Good

Does It Hurt Yet? Shit, Can You Put This Out For Me Please?

OK- this is more advanced roadkill fun for the experienced spotter.

I must have heard the old gripe a million times from novices to the game:

"Roadkill spotting is really great fun, but I get so frustrated that I can't INTERACT with it. I would so love a chance to make my own"

Well, once you've served out a probationary period with your local Association, the old timer will let you in on a few tricks of the trade.

Every Association operates regular Roadkill Arts and Crafts evenings, where you will get a chance to have some real hands-on fun making your own road-kill! What a topping jape!

Usually held on a Saturday evening, these events are the highlight of my, and every other devoted Roadkill enthusiast's, hectic social calendar. All you will need to participate is a motor vehicle- the larger the better. Most of the members at my local Association drive Volvo Estates.

Every member of the club goes out with a certified umpire for a period of one hour, during which time they will be marked on all roadkill they manage to make, according to the marking scheme first devised by Mr Seth Tranny, of London:

One point for a left hand wheel splat

Two points for a four-wheel skull crunch

Five points for a passenger "Slam Open" door kill

Six points for a reverse and grind wheel spin

Bonus points will be awarded for artistic impression, at the discretion of the umpire.

More advanced leagues include in their marking system points for thinness of corpse, and size of animal, ranging from 1 point for a small mammal, through five points for a wallaby, to 10 points for dangerous big game.

Any kelp spotted on route will attract additional points.

You will usually find the league tables in any given season (which runs January-December) published in your local Badger Baiter Bi-Weekly, Mammal Maiming Monthly, or Otter Twotter. Prizes are awarded to the winning club and individual at season's end- usually a medal fashioned from a flat roadkill shrew on a ribbon. These will take pride of place in the trophy cabinet of any self-respecting roadkill buff.